Control Freak Personality - Are You Out of Control?
November 29, 2006
It’s really not too difficult to identify a true control freak personality. For the most part, they have no friends because, quite frankly, nobody can stand to be around them. They’re demanding, bossy, critical and manipulating. Their controlling aggressive behavior is consistent, they don’t want to give up. They have one goal in life–to have it their way or no way!
In Control or Out of Control?
The need to feel in control of others is usually caused by feelings of inadequacy and helplessness. Controlling people are very often successful and prosperous humans, very much in control of their own lives. Despite this fact, they are not very good at covering up their own feelings of vulnerability. It would be devastating for them to have someone see them as defenseless or out of control. So what do they do?
To compensate for these undesirable feelings of inadequacies, they go out on a mission to control other people’s lives. Putting others down has the effect of making them feel emotionally superior, which is what they crave.
The Real Person Behind the Control Freak Personality
That real person is probably worn out. The need to be critical and in control of everything and everybody around you can be draining. You become so afraid of losing the people around you that you go into overdrive, pushing everyone away with your controlling behavior. What you fear most is brought on by you. You can no longer call the shots and set the agenda when no one is there for you to manipulate. It’s hard to pretend that everything is dandy in your world when no one is there to notice.
It’s time to lighten up!
How to Not Be a Control Freak
If you find yourself constantly thinking I would rather be in control or wondering why am I such a control freak, you need to redirect your fixation to a meaningful goal. Having a positive affect on other people’s lives is not about dominance and control. The real power comes from nurturing people and being sensitive to their needs.
Here are steps for dealing with a control freak personality and aggressive behavior:
* Stop thinking the world revolves around you and that everyone is watching you. In reality, people are not consumed with thoughts about you. When you pressure yourself with the need to feel superior for fear people will judge you, you are wearing yourself out with issues that no one else cares about. They don’t even like you.
* Own up to the situation. Be aware of how you make people feel. If a relationship is on edge because of your behavior, take responsibility for what you are doing to cause those close to you to become distant.
* Think about what a dud you are to be around. Allow yourself to fully understand why people do not want to be around a pestering person who is critical, controlling and constantly nags.
* Lighten up and roll with the punches. There is nothing wrong with being attentive to details, but when it is ruining your relationships, it is time to reevaluate your behavior.
* Learn to trust yourself and the world you live in. Be self-assured that a situation can turn out just fine without you scheming every little aspect. If one segment collapses, so be it. You’re still here. The world’s still here. It didn’t all fall to the wayside just because you gave yourself permission to let go.
* What have you gained in the past from controlling others? Nothing. So, what have you got to lose if you give it a break? Acknowledge to yourself, it’s not possible to have power over people and the world.
* Accept the fact that this intense need to control is not about the people you are trying to control. It’s about you and feeding the churning chaos that resides inside you.
The next time you feel your “I would rather be in control” routine coming on, go ahead and ask yourself: Why am I such a control freak? I know I can’t control people or the world around me. Then boldly give yourself permission to finally let go and make the choice to change.
Learn how to break free of fixed thought patterns, attitudes, perceptions, beliefs and behaviors and becoming acquainted with your character. Visit this self-awareness website at http://www.myselfawareness.com
This “friend” of mine is a very intrusive and controlling person. She latched onto me because our sons go to the same school. She wants to know my every move. Calls me every day wondering where I’m at. If I dont answer the phone, she wants to know where I was and what was I doing. She needs to know my everymove on every given day. She babbles on about herself and never listens to a damn thing I say. She actually searched through my purse and found my cell phone. I told her I didn’t have one. I tell her I’m going someplace and I won’t be home and she talks in a condescending voice like she doesn’t believe me. She drives by my house just to see if I am home. ANNNOYING
I have been Marrried for 13 years and my Wife i a control freak, she tells me what i can and cant do and if i do the opposite she makes me fell inferior which pisses me off and we end up in a dispute we have 12 grand in the bank i take out 20 dollers and i get my ass chewed but she can spend what ever she wants without any questions, i sit in a chair tha squeaks she throughs a fit, I talk I get told to shut up, I can not take ita anymore i am a step father to two children and cant stand toleave her because of them but i feel like i am in a prison what can I do to help her change oh by the way she does nothing wrong ever and she is alays right about everything so you cant tell her she is in the wrong Help!!!!!!!!!!
[...] to share it with you guys, and I’m going to message the guy offline. He seems pretty distressed. * Control Freak Personality - Are You Out of Control? *|*Cultivate Greatness*Personal Development, L… What advice would you have for this guy? "I have been Marrried for 13 years and my Wife i a [...]
Cody
It sounds as though you desperately need help to learn how to stand up to your wife. At the moment your wife knows exactly how to control you
but if you change she will have no option but to change her ways.
You are your own person and you do not have to let anyone else control you. I am an online counsellor and have worked with many people who have been in similar situations. You can change your situation but it will take time.
Alison
Changing Lives Online Counselling Service
I think i am a control freak myself. i know it and i want to stop being this way. they say, it could be genetics, maybe thats what i have.my mother is a complete control freak. i am 28 and am happily married to my loving husband. sometimes i have those momets when i think the things he does are just wrong. e.g. the way he likes to party and the state he come home in. i feel pissed off cause i think it is wrong to rink that much and he might develop a bad habit or even a addiction.
i realized the more i tried to stop him from that the worse the raws turned out. i dont want to be controling but is this a thing to control?
i am at the stage when i am just learning to let things go. but i am still worried about my husband thats all, i guess.
oh yes, and my mother is an absolute control freak who thinks she is always right. she did not like my husband and wanted even to slip us!
i mean thats scary and i dont want ever to be that way. it hurts me every time when my husbads says i am like my mother! which i think is not true!
help….
I will be turning 29 in 7 days. I have been with my husband ( known him) 3 years, and married 6. We met through drugs, I used to get my speed off him, then we ended up hooking up. Long story short…I found out I was pregnant…quit smokin,drinkin,drugs EVERYTHING! I was clean and sober that next day. My son is 7 years old, he is an All-Star basesball player, and I also have a 3 year old lil angel. I clean I cook and serve. Anyway, my husband and I have alot of issues stemming from jealousy from the day we met. He didnt want me cocktail waitressing, we would fight about it all the time, he would hide my keys so I could not go to work. People used to come into the bar with rumors of him and another girl, so, I let the guy that liked me so much and actually treated me good at the time, have me. I never felt so disgusted in my life. I am a faithful person……….. so he forgave me, (supposedly) I found out about the pregnancy soon after that. But knew t was not the other guys… We got married when 6 mnths after my son was born, no worries right? (WRONG!) Him and I would still get hammered every night him still treating me like a piece of ass, and had no respect for me, I lost it and told him I also slept with his best friend, and that the baby might not be his………I felt a big wave of guilt leave me that evening, and we had a paternity test done confirming my husband as the Father. I was also pregnant with our 2nd and lst daughter, which he thinks I used to save us for a second time. I did not want to have another child with him the way that he was. I have never felt like such a piece of shit in my entire life. I never meant to hurt him like that, and now that I am clean and sober I am a totally different person, yet, he still keeps tabs on me, I am not allowed to get a job, because his Mom worked as a Single -Mom/ Bartender, and he had to raise himself, which is fine with me, I love being with my kids but, I would like to at least get my GED. He needs to know where I am at all times, he is always thinking I am out screwing around ( even when I am with the kids) he is jealous of me talking to people ( even a baseball Mom, or stranger). The most recent incident is he wanted to argue with me at 9:30 at night, my son had an early game, so I took the kids in my room and went to bed…he comes in turns the light on and has to have the last word. I was fixing to call the police ( which woould have been lame) but I mean HELP is he controlling, or am I just an unfaithful little out of mind twit that should take my kids and run???
hello
I know a control freak who is a history professor and have worked
with him and he fits the profile to the tee. Family members, people
he employed and if he doesn’t feel that he prevailing over someone
he gets very angry. He is terribly insecure person and still lives with
his mother at 48 years old and never married and always telling his
poor elderly mother to be quiet and control freak every other think.
Thanks for your web page and helping other people who have met
such overcontrolling people like him. Psychological profiles from
behavioural research center is very helpful.
thank you very much,
maurice
Okay, i dont even know where to start. I came to the realization that im out of control. Im 19 years old, been going out with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. We live together, study together and even work together. I find that im jealous over almost everyone that he comes into contact with. I find myself sneeking through stuff even though i know he’s faithful, since im almost with him every minute of every day. I have no friends. Mainly i think its just because i moved to NZ, but its been 2 years and i still dont have any friends. I get annoyed with people, small things irritate me and i get angry and moody very easily over small things. I dont like drinking alcohol, cause i dont like getting drunk - which makes me very anti-social. I get jealous if my boyfriend wants to go out without me and will scheme my way to have him home.
i know im out of control and im begging for help
Sadly I live with a control freak, consistantly yelling, nothing is ever right and I am allways to blame. He is so controling that when I have a doctor’s appoinment he will talk to the doctor. Leaving would be nice, but finaces are not here.
My children and I are living with my commonlaw partner who is a major control freak, with signs of paranoia. It is a living hell when he gets in one of his moods.
He is always right about absolutely everything, even if the internet, or a dictionary, or a TV show, or video evidence proves otherwise. He will say that those sources are “wrong”. In every argument when I try to state the truth, he tells me I am lying and that I am “afraid of the truth” (his truth, which is incorrect). He says I am crazy and need a psychiatrist , any time that I try to change his opinion on something. He uses a very rude tone of voice and heaven forbid if you walk in a room and dont say hi to him enthusiastically enough, he will practically eviscerate you. The slightest disrespect to him will set him off as if he is God on a throne. I learned early on that nodding or shaking my head in response to a question (e.g., if I am chewing food) is not acceptable. He must be spoken to in full sentences with eye contact. He will stop talking to me for close to a week if I dare to nod my head while chewing. Heaven forbid if you answer a question and he doesn’t hear the answer. He will say that you didn’t answer him. He will not believe the possibility that maybe he just didn’t hear the answer.
He is so anal and narcissistic. He says if I ask him to move out he will blackmail me by making up BS to tell the court and my job.
Be careful who you live with.
I find that controlling people are also the biggest hypocrits. They demand perfection from other people but can seldom manage their own lives.
I am seven months pregnant with my first child and understandably frightened of the birth. When I was talking to my mum about how scared I was of being totally out of control in the labour ward she replied, ‘well, thats because you have and always will be and are in everything that you do in your life a control freak and your husband is too scared to tell you’. Nice, huh? This is the same woman who wouldn’t let me eat a packet of crisps as a child because I crunched too loudly and constantly smaked, I am talking daily. I have only just started speaking to her again to give her the chance to be part of her grandchilds life after a big family fall out (which was all because she didn’t get her own way) and she says this to me?. I will admit that I am a bit controlling but I haven’t met many women in life who are not, have you? There is just so much to get done in a day that you have to keep a semi-tight ship just to stay ontop of finances, housework and work. What should I do about this bloody mother of mine? Advice is welcome.