Ever feel like you’re adrift, reacting to life rather than directing it? Perhaps you find yourself agreeing to things that leave you feeling drained, or pursuing goals that, once achieved, feel strangely hollow. This sense of disconnection often stems from a lack of clarity about what truly matters to you at your deepest level. We’re talking about your core values – the fundamental beliefs that act as your internal compass, guiding your choices and defining what constitutes a meaningful life for you.
Living authentically isn’t about being perfectly consistent or conforming to some external ideal of ‘realness’. It’s about aligning your actions, decisions, and way of being with these deeply held principles. When you operate from your core values, life tends to feel more coherent, purposeful, and genuinely satisfying. Conversely, when you consistently act against them, perhaps to please others, fit in, or chase societal definitions of success, you experience friction – stress, resentment, burnout, and that nagging feeling that something is fundamentally ‘off’. Discovering and consciously living by your values is the bedrock of genuine authenticity.
What Exactly Are Core Values?
Core values are not the same as goals (things you want to achieve), interests (things you enjoy), or even fleeting opinions. They are broader, more enduring principles that dictate your priorities and define your character. Think of them as the operating system for your integrity. They represent what you stand for, what you deem most important in life, work, and relationships. Examples might include things like: honesty, compassion, creativity, adventure, security, community, growth, freedom, justice, or loyalty.
Crucially, your values are personal. While some values might be widely shared (like honesty), the specific combination and prioritisation of your values are unique to you. What lights one person up might leave another cold. Trying to adopt someone else’s values because they sound admirable or are socially approved is a recipe for inauthenticity. The power lies in uncovering the principles that resonate deeply within your own experience and conscience.
Why Bother Uncovering Them? The Power of Knowing Your ‘Why’
Investing time and effort into identifying your core values yields profound benefits that ripple through every area of your life. It’s far more than a navel-gazing exercise; it’s a practical tool for navigating complexity and building a life that feels right.
Clearer Decision-Making: When faced with choices, big or small, your values provide a filter. Does this opportunity align with my value of growth? Does this relationship honour my value of mutual respect? Does this purchase support my value of sustainability? Knowing your values simplifies decision-making, reducing overwhelm and decision fatigue. You’re no longer just weighing pros and cons based on external factors, but checking alignment with your internal compass.
Increased Sense of Purpose: Values illuminate what truly motivates you. Understanding that ‘making a difference’ or ‘creativity’ is a core value helps you seek out work, hobbies, and connections that allow you to express that value. This connection between your daily activities and your deeper principles fuels a powerful sense of purpose and meaning, making life feel less random and more directed.
Enhanced Resilience: When challenges inevitably arise, being grounded in your values provides stability and strength. You understand what you’re striving for and why it matters. This makes it easier to persevere through setbacks, navigate conflict constructively, and maintain integrity under pressure. Your values act as an anchor in stormy seas.
More Authentic Relationships: Understanding your own values helps you recognise what you need and seek in relationships. It also allows you to communicate your boundaries and expectations more clearly. Furthermore, recognising and respecting the values of others, even when they differ from your own, fosters deeper understanding and connection.
Reduced Stress and Internal Conflict: Much psychological distress arises from cognitive dissonance – the mental discomfort experienced when holding conflicting beliefs or when your actions contradict your values. Living in alignment reduces this internal friction. When your choices consistently reflect what you hold dear, you experience greater peace of mind and emotional well-being.
The Journey of Discovery: How to Find Your Core Values
Identifying your core values isn’t always straightforward. We’re bombarded with messages about who we *should* be and what we *should* value. It requires peeling back layers of societal conditioning, family expectations, and perhaps even your own long-held assumptions. Be patient and compassionate with yourself during this process.
Step 1: Reflect on Peak Experiences
Think back to times in your life when you felt truly alive, fulfilled, proud, or deeply engaged. These moments often occur when your core values are being honoured.
- What were you doing?
- Who were you with?
- What specific aspects of the situation made it so positive?
- What values were you living out in that moment? (e.g., connection, achievement, creativity, service, adventure)
Jot down these experiences and the potential values they illuminate. Look for recurring themes.
Step 2: Examine Moments of Frustration or Anger
Negative emotions can be powerful indicators too. Consider times when you felt really angry, frustrated, disappointed, or disillusioned.
- What was happening in that situation?
- What specifically triggered your strong reaction?
- What value felt like it was being ignored, trampled on, or violated? (e.g., injustice might point to a value of fairness; feeling micro-managed might point to a value of autonomy; witnessing cruelty might point to a value of compassion).
Often, what makes us most upset reveals what we hold most dear.
Step 3: Consider People You Admire
Think about people you genuinely respect and admire (real or fictional). What specific qualities draw you to them?
- Is it their courage, their kindness, their intellectual curiosity, their dedication to a cause?
- What principles do they seem to embody?
The qualities we admire in others often reflect values we aspire to or hold ourselves, even if unconsciously.
Step 4: Use Value Lists (As Inspiration, Not Prescription)
Searching online for “lists of core values” can provide helpful vocabulary and spark ideas. However, use these lists cautiously. Don’t just pick words that sound nice or that you think you *should* value. Read through a list and notice which words genuinely resonate – which ones give you a little jolt of recognition or feel deeply true for you. Circle or note these down, but the real work comes next.
Step 5: Filter, Group, and Prioritise
You likely now have a longer list of potential values. The goal is to distil this into a core set – typically 3 to 5 are most manageable and impactful. Too many values make prioritisation impossible.
- Group Similar Concepts: Do some words essentially mean the same thing to you? (e.g., ‘honesty’, ‘integrity’, ‘truthfulness’ might be grouped under one core value). Choose the word that feels most potent.
- Differentiate Means from Ends: Is something a value itself, or a way to achieve a value? For example, ‘money’ is rarely a core value; it’s usually a means to achieve something like ‘security’, ‘freedom’, or ‘generosity’.
- Force Ranking (If Needed): Imagine difficult scenarios where you have to choose between two competing values on your list. Which one consistently wins out? Which feels more fundamental to who you are? This can help clarify your true priorities. Ask yourself: “Which of these could I absolutely not live without feeling untrue to myself?”
Write down your final list of core values. Define in your own words what each value specifically means to you. ‘Freedom’ for one person might mean financial independence, while for another it means creative autonomy or the ability to travel.
Important Note: Discovering your core values is rarely a one-and-done exercise. It often requires ongoing reflection and refinement as you gain more life experience. Be prepared for this process to potentially feel uncomfortable at times, as it might highlight areas where your current life is out of sync with your deepest principles. View this not as failure, but as valuable information guiding you towards greater authenticity.
From Discovery to Daily Life: Living Your Values
Identifying your values is only the first step. True authenticity emerges when you consciously integrate these principles into your everyday life.
Translate Values into Behaviours
For each core value, ask yourself: “What does living this value actually look like in practice?”
- If you value Connection: How can you prioritise quality time with loved ones? How can you be more present in conversations?
- If you value Growth: What steps can you take to learn something new? How can you embrace challenges?
- If you value Health: What daily choices support your physical and mental well-being?
- If you value Creativity: How can you make space for creative expression, even in small ways?
Make these connections explicit. This transforms abstract principles into concrete actions and choices.
Use Values as a Decision Filter
Before making significant commitments or decisions (career moves, relationship choices, major purchases, how you spend your time), pause and check in with your core values. Ask: “Does this align with who I am and what’s most important to me?” If the answer is consistently ‘no’, it’s a red flag worth exploring further.
Conduct Regular Authenticity Audits
Periodically review your life – your work, relationships, habits, time allocation – through the lens of your core values. Where are you living in alignment? Where are there gaps or conflicts? Don’t judge yourself harshly; simply notice. This awareness is key to making conscious adjustments towards a more value-aligned, authentic life.
Embrace Imperfection and Evolution
Living your values doesn’t mean being perfect. You’ll inevitably face situations where values conflict, or where you fall short. The goal isn’t flawless execution, but conscious intention and a willingness to course-correct. Furthermore, while core values tend to be stable, their expression or even relative importance might subtly shift as you grow and evolve. Stay curious and open to revisiting them periodically.
Ultimately, discovering and living by your core values is a deeply empowering journey. It moves you from being passively shaped by external forces to actively creating a life that reflects your unique essence. It is the foundation upon which genuine authenticity, deep fulfillment, and unwavering integrity are built. It’s not always the easiest path, but it is undoubtedly the most rewarding one for navigating life with purpose and conviction.
