29 Nov
Posted by Travis Wright as Advice, Attitude, General, Interpersonal Communication, Love & Relationships, Self-Discipline
It’s really not too difficult to identify a true control freak personality. For the most part, they have no friends because, quite frankly, nobody can stand to be around them. They’re demanding, bossy, critical and manipulating. Their controlling aggressive behavior is consistent, they don’t want to give up. They have one goal in life-to have it their way or no way!
In Control or Out of Control?
The need to feel in control of others is usually caused by feelings of inadequacy and helplessness. Controlling people are very often successful and prosperous humans, very much in control of their own lives. Despite this fact, they are not very good at covering up their own feelings of vulnerability. It would be devastating for them to have someone see them as defenseless or out of control. So what do they do?
To compensate for these undesirable feelings of inadequacies, they go out on a mission to control other people’s lives. Putting others down has the effect of making them feel emotionally superior, which is what they crave.
The Real Person Behind the Control Freak Personality
That real person is probably worn out. The need to be critical and in control of everything and everybody around you can be draining. You become so afraid of losing the people around you that you go into overdrive, pushing everyone away with your controlling behavior. What you fear most is brought on by you. You can no longer call the shots and set the agenda when no one is there for you to manipulate. It’s hard to pretend that everything is dandy in your world when no one is there to notice.
It’s time to lighten up!
How to Not Be a Control Freak
If you find yourself constantly thinking I would rather be in control or wondering why am I such a control freak, you need to redirect your fixation to a meaningful goal. Having a positive affect on other people’s lives is not about dominance and control. The real power comes from nurturing people and being sensitive to their needs.
* Stop thinking the world revolves around you and that everyone is watching you. In reality, people are not consumed with thoughts about you. When you pressure yourself with the need to feel superior for fear people will judge you, you are wearing yourself out with issues that no one else cares about. They don’t even like you.
* Own up to the situation. Be aware of how you make people feel. If a relationship is on edge because of your behavior, take responsibility for what you are doing to cause those close to you to become distant.
* Think about what a dud you are to be around. Allow yourself to fully understand why people do not want to be around a pestering person who is critical, controlling and constantly nags.
* Lighten up and roll with the punches. There is nothing wrong with being attentive to details, but when it is ruining your relationships, it is time to reevaluate your behavior.
* Learn to trust yourself and the world you live in. Be self-assured that a situation can turn out just fine without you scheming every little aspect. If one segment collapses, so be it. You’re still here. The world’s still here. It didn’t all fall to the wayside just because you gave yourself permission to let go.
* What have you gained in the past from controlling others? Nothing. So, what have you got to lose if you give it a break? Acknowledge to yourself, it’s not possible to have power over people and the world.
* Accept the fact that this intense need to control is not about the people you are trying to control. It’s about you and feeding the churning chaos that resides inside you.
The next time you feel your “I would rather be in control” routine coming on, go ahead and ask yourself: Why am I such a control freak? I know I can’t control people or the world around me. Then boldly give yourself permission to finally let go and make the choice to change.
Learn how to break free of fixed thought patterns, attitudes, perceptions, beliefs and behaviors and becoming acquainted with your character. Visit this self-awareness website at http://www.myselfawareness.com
5 Responses
linda
January 27th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
1This “friend” of mine is a very intrusive and controlling person. She latched onto me because our sons go to the same school. She wants to know my every move. Calls me every day wondering where I’m at. If I dont answer the phone, she wants to know where I was and what was I doing. She needs to know my everymove on every given day. She babbles on about herself and never listens to a damn thing I say. She actually searched through my purse and found my cell phone. I told her I didn’t have one. I tell her I’m going someplace and I won’t be home and she talks in a condescending voice like she doesn’t believe me. She drives by my house just to see if I am home. ANNNOYING
Cody
March 9th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
2I have been Marrried for 13 years and my Wife i a control freak, she tells me what i can and cant do and if i do the opposite she makes me fell inferior which pisses me off and we end up in a dispute we have 12 grand in the bank i take out 20 dollers and i get my ass chewed but she can spend what ever she wants without any questions, i sit in a chair tha squeaks she throughs a fit, I talk I get told to shut up, I can not take ita anymore i am a step father to two children and cant stand toleave her because of them but i feel like i am in a prison what can I do to help her change oh by the way she does nothing wrong ever and she is alays right about everything so you cant tell her she is in the wrong Help!!!!!!!!!!
What advice would you have for this guy and his wife with a Controlling Personality? - Personal Development for Smart People Forums
March 14th, 2008 at 12:34 am
3[…] to share it with you guys, and I’m going to message the guy offline. He seems pretty distressed. * Control Freak Personality - Are You Out of Control? *|*Cultivate Greatness*Personal Development, L… What advice would you have for this guy? "I have been Marrried for 13 years and my Wife i a […]
Alison Jenkins
March 18th, 2008 at 1:44 am
4Cody
It sounds as though you desperately need help to learn how to stand up to your wife. At the moment your wife knows exactly how to control you
but if you change she will have no option but to change her ways.
You are your own person and you do not have to let anyone else control you. I am an online counsellor and have worked with many people who have been in similar situations. You can change your situation but it will take time.
Alison
Changing Lives Online Counselling Service
mary jane
May 5th, 2008 at 4:07 am
5I think i am a control freak myself. i know it and i want to stop being this way. they say, it could be genetics, maybe thats what i have.my mother is a complete control freak. i am 28 and am happily married to my loving husband. sometimes i have those momets when i think the things he does are just wrong. e.g. the way he likes to party and the state he come home in. i feel pissed off cause i think it is wrong to rink that much and he might develop a bad habit or even a addiction.
i realized the more i tried to stop him from that the worse the raws turned out. i dont want to be controling but is this a thing to control?
i am at the stage when i am just learning to let things go. but i am still worried about my husband thats all, i guess.
oh yes, and my mother is an absolute control freak who thinks she is always right. she did not like my husband and wanted even to slip us!
i mean thats scary and i dont want ever to be that way. it hurts me every time when my husbads says i am like my mother! which i think is not true!
help….
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