Control Freak Personality - Are You Out of Control?
November 29, 2023
It’s really not too difficult to identify a true control freak personality. For the most part, they have no friends because, quite frankly, nobody can stand to be around them. They’re demanding, bossy, critical and manipulating. Their controlling aggressive behavior is consistent, they don’t want to give up. They have one goal in life-to have it their way or no way!
In Control or Out of Control?
The need to feel in control of others is usually caused by feelings of inadequacy and helplessness. Controlling people are very often successful and prosperous humans, very much in control of their own lives. Despite this fact, they are not very good at covering up their own feelings of vulnerability. It would be devastating for them to have someone see them as defenseless or out of control. So what do they do?
To compensate for these undesirable feelings of inadequacies, they go out on a mission to control other people’s lives. Putting others down has the effect of making them feel emotionally superior, which is what they crave.
The Real Person Behind the Control Freak Personality
That real person is probably worn out. The need to be critical and in control of everything and everybody around you can be draining. You become so afraid of losing the people around you that you go into overdrive, pushing everyone away with your controlling behavior. What you fear most is brought on by you. You can no longer call the shots and set the agenda when no one is there for you to manipulate. It’s hard to pretend that everything is dandy in your world when no one is there to notice.
It’s time to lighten up!
How to Not Be a Control Freak
If you find yourself constantly thinking I would rather be in control or wondering why am I such a control freak, you need to redirect your fixation to a meaningful goal. Having a positive affect on other people’s lives is not about dominance and control. The real power comes from nurturing people and being sensitive to their needs.
Here are steps for dealing with a control freak personality and aggressive behavior:
* Stop thinking the world revolves around you and that everyone is watching you. In reality, people are not consumed with thoughts about you. When you pressure yourself with the need to feel superior for fear people will judge you, you are wearing yourself out with issues that no one else cares about. They don’t even like you.
* Own up to the situation. Be aware of how you make people feel. If a relationship is on edge because of your behavior, take responsibility for what you are doing to cause those close to you to become distant.
* Think about what a dud you are to be around. Allow yourself to fully understand why people do not want to be around a pestering person who is critical, controlling and constantly nags.
* Lighten up and roll with the punches. There is nothing wrong with being attentive to details, but when it is ruining your relationships, it is time to reevaluate your behavior.
* Learn to trust yourself and the world you live in. Be self-assured that a situation can turn out just fine without you scheming every little aspect. If one segment collapses, so be it. You’re still here. The world’s still here. It didn’t all fall to the wayside just because you gave yourself permission to let go.
* What have you gained in the past from controlling others? Nothing. So, what have you got to lose if you give it a break? Acknowledge to yourself, it’s not possible to have power over people and the world.
* Accept the fact that this intense need to control is not about the people you are trying to control. It’s about you and feeding the churning chaos that resides inside you.
The next time you feel your “I would rather be in control” routine coming on, go ahead and ask yourself: Why am I such a control freak? I know I can’t control people or the world around me. Then boldly give yourself permission to finally let go and make the choice to change.
Learn how to break free of fixed thought patterns, attitudes, perceptions, beliefs and behaviors and becoming acquainted with your character. Visit this self-awareness website at http://www.myselfawareness.com
This “friend” of mine is a very intrusive and controlling person. She latched onto me because our sons go to the same school. She wants to know my every move. Calls me every day wondering where I’m at. If I dont answer the phone, she wants to know where I was and what was I doing. She needs to know my everymove on every given day. She babbles on about herself and never listens to a damn thing I say. She actually searched through my purse and found my cell phone. I told her I didn’t have one. I tell her I’m going someplace and I won’t be home and she talks in a condescending voice like she doesn’t believe me. She drives by my house just to see if I am home. ANNNOYING
I have been Marrried for 13 years and my Wife i a control freak, she tells me what i can and cant do and if i do the opposite she makes me fell inferior which pisses me off and we end up in a dispute we have 12 grand in the bank i take out 20 dollers and i get my ass chewed but she can spend what ever she wants without any questions, i sit in a chair tha squeaks she throughs a fit, I talk I get told to shut up, I can not take ita anymore i am a step father to two children and cant stand toleave her because of them but i feel like i am in a prison what can I do to help her change oh by the way she does nothing wrong ever and she is alays right about everything so you cant tell her she is in the wrong Help!!!!!!!!!!
[...] to share it with you guys, and I’m going to message the guy offline. He seems pretty distressed. * Control Freak Personality - Are You Out of Control? *|*Cultivate Greatness*Personal Development, L… What advice would you have for this guy? "I have been Marrried for 13 years and my Wife i a [...]
Cody
It sounds as though you desperately need help to learn how to stand up to your wife. At the moment your wife knows exactly how to control you
but if you change she will have no option but to change her ways.
You are your own person and you do not have to let anyone else control you. I am an online counsellor and have worked with many people who have been in similar situations. You can change your situation but it will take time.
Alison
Changing Lives Online Counselling Service
I think i am a control freak myself. i know it and i want to stop being this way. they say, it could be genetics, maybe thats what i have.my mother is a complete control freak. i am 28 and am happily married to my loving husband. sometimes i have those momets when i think the things he does are just wrong. e.g. the way he likes to party and the state he come home in. i feel pissed off cause i think it is wrong to rink that much and he might develop a bad habit or even a addiction.
i realized the more i tried to stop him from that the worse the raws turned out. i dont want to be controling but is this a thing to control?
i am at the stage when i am just learning to let things go. but i am still worried about my husband thats all, i guess.
oh yes, and my mother is an absolute control freak who thinks she is always right. she did not like my husband and wanted even to slip us!
i mean thats scary and i dont want ever to be that way. it hurts me every time when my husbads says i am like my mother! which i think is not true!
help….
I will be turning 29 in 7 days. I have been with my husband ( known him) 3 years, and married 6. We met through drugs, I used to get my speed off him, then we ended up hooking up. Long story short…I found out I was pregnant…quit smokin,drinkin,drugs EVERYTHING! I was clean and sober that next day. My son is 7 years old, he is an All-Star basesball player, and I also have a 3 year old lil angel. I clean I cook and serve. Anyway, my husband and I have alot of issues stemming from jealousy from the day we met. He didnt want me cocktail waitressing, we would fight about it all the time, he would hide my keys so I could not go to work. People used to come into the bar with rumors of him and another girl, so, I let the guy that liked me so much and actually treated me good at the time, have me. I never felt so disgusted in my life. I am a faithful person……….. so he forgave me, (supposedly) I found out about the pregnancy soon after that. But knew t was not the other guys… We got married when 6 mnths after my son was born, no worries right? (WRONG!) Him and I would still get hammered every night him still treating me like a piece of ass, and had no respect for me, I lost it and told him I also slept with his best friend, and that the baby might not be his………I felt a big wave of guilt leave me that evening, and we had a paternity test done confirming my husband as the Father. I was also pregnant with our 2nd and lst daughter, which he thinks I used to save us for a second time. I did not want to have another child with him the way that he was. I have never felt like such a piece of shit in my entire life. I never meant to hurt him like that, and now that I am clean and sober I am a totally different person, yet, he still keeps tabs on me, I am not allowed to get a job, because his Mom worked as a Single -Mom/ Bartender, and he had to raise himself, which is fine with me, I love being with my kids but, I would like to at least get my GED. He needs to know where I am at all times, he is always thinking I am out screwing around ( even when I am with the kids) he is jealous of me talking to people ( even a baseball Mom, or stranger). The most recent incident is he wanted to argue with me at 9:30 at night, my son had an early game, so I took the kids in my room and went to bed…he comes in turns the light on and has to have the last word. I was fixing to call the police ( which woould have been lame) but I mean HELP is he controlling, or am I just an unfaithful little out of mind twit that should take my kids and run???
hello
I know a control freak who is a history professor and have worked
with him and he fits the profile to the tee. Family members, people
he employed and if he doesn’t feel that he prevailing over someone
he gets very angry. He is terribly insecure person and still lives with
his mother at 48 years old and never married and always telling his
poor elderly mother to be quiet and control freak every other think.
Thanks for your web page and helping other people who have met
such overcontrolling people like him. Psychological profiles from
behavioural research center is very helpful.
thank you very much,
maurice
Okay, i dont even know where to start. I came to the realization that im out of control. Im 19 years old, been going out with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. We live together, study together and even work together. I find that im jealous over almost everyone that he comes into contact with. I find myself sneeking through stuff even though i know he’s faithful, since im almost with him every minute of every day. I have no friends. Mainly i think its just because i moved to NZ, but its been 2 years and i still dont have any friends. I get annoyed with people, small things irritate me and i get angry and moody very easily over small things. I dont like drinking alcohol, cause i dont like getting drunk - which makes me very anti-social. I get jealous if my boyfriend wants to go out without me and will scheme my way to have him home.
i know im out of control and im begging for help
Sadly I live with a control freak, consistantly yelling, nothing is ever right and I am allways to blame. He is so controling that when I have a doctor’s appoinment he will talk to the doctor. Leaving would be nice, but finaces are not here.
My children and I are living with my commonlaw partner who is a major control freak, with signs of paranoia. It is a living hell when he gets in one of his moods.
He is always right about absolutely everything, even if the internet, or a dictionary, or a TV show, or video evidence proves otherwise. He will say that those sources are “wrong”. In every argument when I try to state the truth, he tells me I am lying and that I am “afraid of the truth” (his truth, which is incorrect). He says I am crazy and need a psychiatrist , any time that I try to change his opinion on something. He uses a very rude tone of voice and heaven forbid if you walk in a room and dont say hi to him enthusiastically enough, he will practically eviscerate you. The slightest disrespect to him will set him off as if he is God on a throne. I learned early on that nodding or shaking my head in response to a question (e.g., if I am chewing food) is not acceptable. He must be spoken to in full sentences with eye contact. He will stop talking to me for close to a week if I dare to nod my head while chewing. Heaven forbid if you answer a question and he doesn’t hear the answer. He will say that you didn’t answer him. He will not believe the possibility that maybe he just didn’t hear the answer.
He is so anal and narcissistic. He says if I ask him to move out he will blackmail me by making up BS to tell the court and my job.
Be careful who you live with.
I find that controlling people are also the biggest hypocrits. They demand perfection from other people but can seldom manage their own lives.
I am seven months pregnant with my first child and understandably frightened of the birth. When I was talking to my mum about how scared I was of being totally out of control in the labour ward she replied, ‘well, thats because you have and always will be and are in everything that you do in your life a control freak and your husband is too scared to tell you’. Nice, huh? This is the same woman who wouldn’t let me eat a packet of crisps as a child because I crunched too loudly and constantly smaked, I am talking daily. I have only just started speaking to her again to give her the chance to be part of her grandchilds life after a big family fall out (which was all because she didn’t get her own way) and she says this to me?. I will admit that I am a bit controlling but I haven’t met many women in life who are not, have you? There is just so much to get done in a day that you have to keep a semi-tight ship just to stay ontop of finances, housework and work. What should I do about this bloody mother of mine? Advice is welcome.
Could one of the reasons that people become control freaks be that they are scared their lives will be controlled by other people? That’s how I feel and I think I’m a control freak… or getting there at least. I can’t remember being like this before I got with my boyfriend nearly 2 years ago.
When we got together I was happy go lucky kinda girl and had the attitude what will be will be. My boyfriend at the start was quite possesive and jealous and didn’t like me having males as friends ( ex’s that I had kept in touch with), going topless on the beach etc. I am aware that there are probably a lot of men that feel like this with there girlfriends too however I did not remained in contact with some people for this reason and with other things I knew he would not be happy about I either used to end up arguing with him about it to stand my ground or kept things from him.
It’s now got to the point in our relationship where we argue all the time about the smallest of things and I will admit a lot of the time I start them and always feel angry towards him about things. He has seemed to have done the opposite to me and has become more chilled out in himself and isn’t so insecure anymore.
I am not trying to blame him for me becoming like this but I am just wondering if he was the control freak at the beggining and has turned it on me or if this was just in my personality before and hadn’t shown before now. I do have girl friends and used to want to do things with them all the time but now a lot of the time I can’t be bothered to meet but when I do I am always glad I did and happy afterwards. I think I am pushing them away When I don’t bother which I do not want to do.
I would welcome anyone else’s view on my situation as everyone I talk to knows us and therefore sometimes have biased opinions.
by the way I just had my first baby 5 weeks ago and I am loving every aspect of motherhood so I know this feeling isn’t post natal depression, I do feel very possessive over her though.
Any advice anyone.
i`m maried to a control freak. he`s a very successful wealthy Dr. but impossable to live with.
i used to be a happy person but now am so miserable i don`t even want to get out of bed. he coctrols me and my kids. he`s got al the money, i have none so he knows i cant leave. he`s also verbally and emotionally abusive. every professional person i have seen about this says its killing me and i must get out.
he also says he will never divorce me.
help me?
I think I am a control freak, I believe I am suffocating my husband and I don’t know how to stop, can u help me?
Most of you who have left comments on this post, I have sent an email with advice pertaining to your issue… but I’m gonna open this up to crowdsourcing so that this can be a good place for advice for all of those who are suffering from having a control freak spouse or being a control freak spouse.
I would say that I am no expert on the Control Freak personality, but I have been affected by it, as my Step Dad was very controlling. It makes you feel stifled creatively and angry.
If you are a control freak, you really need to look at what is the source of the darkness within your soul. Explore the root of the anger to find a way to free yourself of the need to make people do your will.
We are all free, and we are all spiritual beings having a human experience… remember that we are all connected as one… we are truly all made up of protons, neutrons, electrons and the space between those particles.
Thus, we are all the same… we are all trying to find our way. So, we have to be willing to let others find their way. We can offer advice in a non-obtrusive manner that can help the person move towards our point of view, but trying to force your point of view on anyone, doesn’t work in the long run.
In fact, you control freaks out there… probably don’t like to be controlled. It probably makes you angry when people try to control you… so why do that to others?
Offer opinions, not mandates. And send love to those who you feel are making ill advised decisions.
Make the world a better place for having you in it… not worse. Make people feel better, not bad. Learn to disagree, agreeably.
Because when it all boils down, chances are that you control freaks aren’t always right. You just THINK you are. Work on your ego. Everyone around you will like you and appreciate you more.
God bless,
Travis Wright
Before you do anything else in your life, TELL SOMEONE! Tell someone in your community about your situation. Find a church anywhere near you and tell the person in charge. This is not a confession. This is a safety measure. If you don’t want to talk to the person, write it down in a note and leave it. If nothing else, it is a valve for the tension you are feeling.
If you are the partner of a controlling person try visualizing the relationship as just that: a partnership. The first image that came to mind was of a small car attached to the hook of a tow truck. Your first goal is to disengage.
Make a plan for your day. Make it as simple as possible. Start by focusing on the larger parts of your day, getting up, leaving the house, things like that. Follow that plan with your full attention focused on your own actions and not that of your partner.
Keeping the image of a car hooked up to a tow truck, notice how your body feels when your partner tries to engage you. When you feel yourself responding based on your partner’s actions and not your own, disengage yourself.
The hardest part of this may be letting your partner vent unchecked. Remember the image of the tow truck? It is used to having something hold it back and now that something is gone.
Something else you can do for yourself and your family is go to the library. It is quiet there and you can sit and do nothing. You can make it a quiet family outing, taking time to be with your children.
These are ideas for you to start with, concrete steps for you to take. Maybe you have better ideas. If so, Good! Put them into motion. Take small, firm, and courageous steps.
meela’s last blog post..One of my writing guides…
If you have ‘control-freaks’ (and i really don’t like using that word) in your life which seem to be wreaking havoc on yours, do this: Love them for who they are. Then, realize that you must take your own power back and create your own life. Put your own oxygen mask on, take a deep breath, and live your life. You must place boundaries upon your life to those who seem to be suppressing yours. Love yourself.
Many Blessings,
Leslie
http://www.cosmos-within.blogspot.com
Leslie’s last blog post..Beginnings, Endings, and the Power of the Present Moment
I think this is a matter for the part of us that doesn’t speak-the part that feels. Thinking and speaking often get us in a tailspin & we go round in circles. Our minds take us round and round as we follow our emotions in this big drama we’re setting up.
We all have issues of control. If we’re in a control-freak situation, we’re seeing from one side or the other. To see from a mid-point and not get so wrapped up in it takes lots of practice and support, but it is possible.
If you want verbal-speaking help, counselors of all sorts exist. If you want to try something different, a body-mind-spirit approach, I recommend CCT, Crystalline Consciousness Technique, Rosen Method Bodywork (meditation in relationship) or lots of Reiki sessions. If you’re in a situation where you’re bothered by a controller, you may need to empower yourself, and thus view yourself more lovingly and more compassionately. Eventually, you will understand the controlling person more; you will feel more forgiving of yourself and those who bother you; and, you will be less likely to have the triggers that charge you up. But this takes time.
The question is, Are You Worth it? If you’d rather keep ranting about your woes, nothing will change. You’ll get more of the same. And maybe this is what you need for the time being. It takes most of us a long time to learn about this.
If you feel ready to take another path, put out some intentions: Intend peace or Letting go of the cycle. Intend change and growth.
Rosen, Reiki and CCT helped me gain a new perspective on people who try to control others and the part of myself that does this. It’s an ongoing process, but energy modalities and meditation can help break you out of the ongoing cycle. And if you slip up and go back to it, you have gained a new perspective and will be more resilient in coping in the future.
All best wishes,
Melanie A. Stinson
Melanie’s last blog post..Free entertainment & education alternatives you’ll love
I know how abigail feels because i am going through the same thing me and my boyfriend argue everyday and i know i have control problems also have a very bad self esteem i try to do things to better myself i try to be nicer i try to workout and lose weight so i will feel better about myself i have even tried to leave him but i cant all we do is argue everyday i dont know if i should just leave him for good or what and i dont kno why but i keep blaming all my problems on him and i know thats not fair i know i am a little crazy but he makes me feel worse than i think i am he tells me im just like my mom and also if i go a day or so without being intimate with him as in sleeping with him then he throws it in my face and makes me feel really bad for not sleeping with him and tell me that there are plenty of girls he can find that will do stuff for him he is very jealous too i cant even look at another guy which i really dont want to but i do want to feel better what should i do is there even any help for me
OK I have been reading all this with as much open mindness as poss!!
I AM A TOTAL CONTROL FREAK!!??? as my hubby says!!
I AM A DOMINATRIX Yes this is my job!….lol but at home it is not the same!
But I have noticed over the years I have become more controling in my personal life than ever before. This is something I DO NOT LIKE about myself.
I have 4 children which i already had when I met my husband. He is great with my children whom love him dearly.
We met on a fetish dating site, his add read “looking for a women to tell me what to do” My husband is submissive!
Or so I thought…. we have been married 9 months. And I am already looking for the get me out of here!
I feel totally unloved, unwanted, uncared about, I do everything for him cook clean run the house bring the money in etc you name it i do it! Decorate & diy I do that, my car needs work on it I sort that, the washer needs fixing then I fix it.
Not because I want to but because I have to!
His money is spent on debt some of which we have ran up since we have been together,But also he had a large amount of debt when we met. And to be fair he dose help around the house sometimes too.
But over the 3 years we have been together he has told lots of little white lies, swearing on my life at the time, then it coming out later that he was lieing.
So i start checking phone emails etc….. becuase I feel so insecure and then I get called a control freak!
He has looked through my phone which I do not have a problem with at all.
He has also changed his attituied since being in his new job.
Wanting to go out with mixed group work friends.
If you knew him most would find this odd, as my husband as always hated going out in groups and beeing center of attion in any way. He moned so much about our wedding and there was like 40 people there in total.
We never go out together any more and if I ever go out then I try to fit it in with his shifts so he is at work when I am out so we can spend time together when he is not working. (is that controlling?)
I use to go out once aweek when I met him and now Im lucky if its once in 3 months, because I try to put US first! I turn nights out with my friends down so offten that they dont bother to invite me any more.
I have tried talking to him, but he can chat about anything until it involves feelings then he clams up.
Our sex life is like a roller coster its ok then its weeks with nothing unless I take charge to sort it all out.
And I am getting to the point where I really can NOT be arsed any more and feel I would be better off alone!
I have wondered if my job is effectting him, Ive asked him but he says it isnt and he is not bothered by it. I have also told him if at any time he would think it best that i stop then i would. But to tell you the truth I do not know how we would cope for money.
I feel like I have gained another child not a husband.
I also feel that there are reasons why most people start becoming control freaks….. I mean who wakes up one morning and thinks mmmmm to day I am going to put my foot down with a firm hand and rule the world that i am in, and everyone in it???
So I feel with past partners that lied and cheated made me more awear to notice things and to go with gutt feelings!! As for the lies that my husband began to tell was the begining of my insecuritiys which have been made worse with his unwillingness to talk and put my mind at ease. There for i go in search of the answers my self.
So Im I a control freak????