By Beth Banning 由什麼禁止

Seems there’s always another holiday gathering or family reunion right around the corner.似乎總有另一個假日聚會或家庭團聚的權利，靠近角落。 But do you ever leave wondering why you went?但你以往任何時候都離開為什麼你去？ Are some of your in-laws and extended family members a little hard to deal with?是您的一些在法律和擴展的家庭成員有點難以對付呢？ It can be different.它可以有所不同。 How would you like to walk in feeling excited about being there, knowing that you’ll leave happy about your whole experience?您想如何走在興奮的感覺在那裡，知道你會離開感到高興，您的全部經驗？ It’s your choice.那是你自己的選擇。 Discover five tips that will show you how to plan your next family reunion experience just like you’ve always wanted.發現五大秘訣，將告訴您如何計劃您的未來家庭團聚的經驗，就像您一直想。

Are you wondering how your next family gathering will turn out?你想知道如何您下次家庭聚會會變成？ Is it tough to relate to some of your family, in-laws, and extended family members?是它的強硬，以涉及到的一些你的家人，在法律，並擴大家庭成員呢？ Do you sometimes leave feeling drained and wondering why you went at all?你離開的感覺，有時排水不知道你為什麼到所有？

It can be different this year.可今年不同。 Imagine walking into your next family reunion feeling excited about being there and knowing that you’ll leave feeling happy about your whole experience.想像走進您的下一個家庭團聚的感覺興奮，正在那裡知道你會離開的感覺高興，您的整個經驗。

It’s your choice.那是你自己的選擇。 You can use these five tips to make your next family gathering the experience you’ve always wanted.您可以使用這些五大秘訣，讓您下次家庭聚會的經驗，您一直想。

Tip #1 - Decide What You Want to Experience 提示＃ 1 -決定你想要體驗

We call this creating an intention.我們呼籲，這創造了意向。 If you aren’t very clear about what you do want to experience, then it will be difficult to make that happen.如果您不是很清楚，什麼您要的經驗，那麼將很難使這種情況發生。 And it may be hard for you to even notice it when it is happening.它可能很難為您甚至不會注意到它，當它正在發生的事情。 How do you get clear about your intention?你怎麼得到明確的關於您的用意何在？ Ask yourself these questions:問問自己這些問題：

“How could my family and I benefit from this?” “怎麼可能我和我的家人受益於這一” ？

You might choose fun, caring and harmony.您可以選擇的樂趣，關懷與和諧。 Or peacefulness: “If my experience today could only be peaceful I would walk out happy and wanting to return next time.” Take some time to imagine all the qualities that would make your next family gathering a wonderful experience for you.或安寧說： “如果我的經驗，今天只能和平，我走出快樂和希望的回報下一次”需要一些時間，以想像的所有素質，這將使您下次家庭聚會美好的經驗，給你。

“How could you and your family benefit from this quality of experience?” “你怎麼可以和你的家人，受益於這種質量的經驗” ？

Perhaps you could gain a greater sense of connection.或許你獲得更大的聯繫感。 You and your family might really look forward to seeing each other again.您和您的家人可能真的期待著看到對方再次。 Or you might be more playful with one another.或者，您可能更好玩的一個。 The time you spend identifying these benefits will help you remember your intention if things start to get challenging at the gathering.您所花費的時間查明這些好處將幫助您記住您的打算，如果事情開始獲得在具有挑戰性的集會。

Tip #2 - Know That People Are Doing the Best They Can 提示＃ 2 -知道的人正在做的最好的，他們可以

You might ask: “When Aunt Sue complains about everything under the sun, is she doing the best she can?你可能會問： “當姑姑控告抱怨一切都在陽光下，她會盡力去做，她可以嗎？ When Dad criticizes me about every part of my life, is he doing the best he can?”當爸爸批評我，大約每我生命的一部分，是他會盡力去做，他可以“ ？

Yes.是。 They’re doing the best they can.他們在做最好的，他們可以。

Stop and think about it.停止並想一想。 Do they look like they’re having fun at these times?難道他們像他們所遇到的樂趣在這些時間？ Are they being effective at getting what they really want?他們正在有效地得到他們真正想要什麼？ If they knew a way to take care of themselves that was more fun and that worked better at getting what they really wanted, don’t you think they would do it?如果他們知道的方式來照顧自己，這是更有趣和工作更好地得到什麼，他們真的想，難道你們不認為他們會做呢？

So if you get upset seeing people act the way they do, remind yourself: They’re doing the best they can.因此，如果你得到不高興看到人的行為方式，他們這樣做，提醒自己：他們在做最好的，他們可以。 Then get back to creating what you want to experience as fast as you can.然後回到創造你想要的經驗一樣快，您可以。

How do you do that?你怎麼這樣做呢？

Tip #3 - Don’t Take Things Personally 提示＃ 3 -不採取事情親自

“Don’t take it personally if someone says that what I’m doing is stupid?” “不採取親自如果有人說什麼我這樣做是愚蠢的” ？

You can avoid taking things personally if you start with this understanding: Everything people do or say starts with a desire to support something they value.您可以盡量避免的東西，個人如果您已開始與這樣的認識：一切的人或不說，一開始的願望，支持他們的價值。

And what could that be?什麼可說的呢？ Guess.猜。

Your father says to you: “How can you possibly think that starting your own business is a smart thing to do?” He might value security, or predictability.你父親對你們說： “你怎麼可能認為，開始自己的業務是一個聰明的事？ ”他可能價值安全，或可預見性。 He might be worried about how you’ll continue to pay your bills.他可能會擔心您將如何繼續支付帳單。 Believe it or not, this might be his attempt to contribute to you.相信它或沒有，這可能是他企圖作出貢獻給您。 And, he is Doing The Best He Can.和，他正在做的最好，他可以。

So the next time you hear something you don’t enjoy, the next time you want to defend yourself and justify your position, STOP and remember: It’s about them.因此，下一次你聽到的東西你不喜歡，下一次你想保衛自己的理由你所在的位置，停止並請記住：這是關於他們。 Don’t take it personally.不採取親自。

Instead, try to be curious.相反，嘗試感到好奇。 “Wow, I wonder what’s going on with them?” Imagine yourself in the other person’s shoes: “If I said or did that, what might be going on with me?” See if you can guess. “哇，我不知道是怎麼回事，與他們呢？ ”想像一下自己在其他人的鞋： “如果我說或這樣做，有什麼可能會就與我” ？看到，如果你能猜到。

Tip #4 - Clarify Your Understanding About What Others Want 提示＃ 4 -澄清您的諒解，不在乎別人怎麼想

One big cause of upset between people is not being sure about what they want from each other.一個大事業的底價之間的人是不會被肯定，他們想要從對方。

Have you ever heard people express concerns or complaints like: “I just don’t know how I’m going to pay my rent this month?” Or: “I hate it when we start eating without giving thanks first.” Or maybe a family member starts talking to you about how your favorite cousin is making a mess of her life.你們有沒有聽過人民對此表示關注或投訴，例如： “我只是不知道如何我要付出我的租金，這一個月？ ”或： “我恨它當我們開始吃，而不給予感謝第一” ，或者一家庭成員開始與您交談，如何您最喜愛的表姐正在一團糟，她的生活。

What happens then?會發生什麼呢？ Do you feel confused or uncomfortable?你覺得混淆或不舒服？ Do you try to justify yourself, explain the situation, or give advice?你嘗試自己的理由，解釋有關情況，或提供意見？

Whenever you feel uncomfortable hearing people’s concerns or complaints, we believe this is partly caused by your not understanding what they want from you.當你感到不舒服聽證人的關注或投訴，我們相信這是部分原因是由您的不理解，他們想從你。

We suggest you start asking for clarity.我們建議您開始要求更清晰。 Say or guess out loud what you think the other person might want from you.說或猜測出來是什麼，您認為其他人可能想從您。

Before you start, remember tips 1, 2, and 3.在您開始前，記得提示1 ， 2 ， 3 。
Get present to the intention you created for the gathering.獲得目前的意圖，你創造了聯誼會。
Remember people are doing the best they can.記得人民正在做的最好的，他們可以。
Don’t take things personally.不採取事情親自。

Suppose cousin Jim says: “I just don’t know how I’m going to pay my rent this month.” What does he want?假設表弟吉姆說： “我只是不知道如何我要付出我的這一個月的租金。 ”是什麼，他想要什麼？ Ask him: “Do you want to brainstorm some ideas about how you might get your rent this month?”問他： “你想不想集思廣益的一些想法如何，你可能會得到您的租金，這個月” ？

Or when your grandmother says: “I hate it when we start eating without giving thanks first.” What does she want?或當你的祖母說： “我恨它當我們開始吃，而不給予感謝第一”是什麼，她想要什麼？ Ask her: “Would you like to see if somebody is willing to give thanks before we eat this year?問她： “你們是不是想看看如果有人願意給感謝前，我們吃，今年呢？

If your guesses aren’t accurate, they’ll let you know by saying something else that gets closer to what they do want.如果您的猜測是不準確的，他們就會讓你知道他說了一些別人認為我們越來越近，以做些什麼希望。 Your guess will open the way for a conversation that can lead to more understanding and less stress for both of you.您的猜測，將開闢道路，會話，可導致更多的理解和較少強調對雙方你。

Tip #5 - Develop Your Ability to Be Grateful 提示＃ 5 -發展你的能力應該感謝

What you focus your attention on grows.你集中你的注意力增長。

If you constantly notice things that cause you pain, then you will continue to suffer.如果您不斷公告的事情，為您帶來的疼痛，那麼您將繼續受苦。 “How inconsiderate he is.” “She doesn’t care about me.” “He’s the most selfish person I’ve ever known.” “怎麼不他是” ， “她不關心我” ， “他的最自私的人我從未被稱為” 。

Try focusing your attention on what you do enjoy.嘗試重點你注意有什麼你做的享受。

It may sound simple.這聽起來可能很簡單。 But ask yourself: “What would it be like if I spent my day simply noticing everything that I enjoy about being with my family?”但問問自己： “什麼會像如果我用我的天，根本看到的一切，我喜歡被我的家人” ？

Imagine looking for all the things that you do enjoy, and being thankful for them.想像尋找所有的事情，你做的享受，正在感謝他們。 “It smells so good in here; I can’t wait to eat.” “I’m so grateful that everyone cares enough to spend time together.” “It’s nice that my mom enjoys having these gatherings at her house.” “它的氣味那麼好，在這裡我也不能再等下去吃” ， “我很感謝大家關心不夠花時間在一起。 ” ， “很高興我的媽媽喜歡過這些聚會，在她的家” 。

How would you feel if you only focused your attention on the things you do enjoy?你會如何感受如果你只集中你的注意力的東西，你做的享受呢？

So here’s the plan for a family reunion experience just like you’ve always wanted因此，這裡的計劃，為家庭團聚的經驗，就像您一直想
1. 1 。 Decide what you really do want to experience決定什麼，你真的想體驗
2. 2 。 Know that people are doing the best they can知道的人正在做的最好的，他們可以
3. 3 。 Don’t take things personally不採取事情親自
4. 4 。 Clarify your understanding about what others want澄清您的諒解，不在乎別人怎麼想
and和
5. 5 。 Focus on what you enjoy專注於您享受

Following this plan is the fastest, easiest way to enjoy any family experience.以下為這項計劃是最快，最簡單的方式享受任何家庭的經驗。